Saturday, January 24, 2015

I am I am

These days I am in a groove. The old fears that held me hostage  hover in the distance.
I am in a divine place of moving forward with grace. Nothing is troubling me. I got a rythm.

I am seeing the realities of things and I am not running from what I see. I am also not interested in nursing anyone's malaise. I can't hold anybody up or down, I am quite clear about that. And those that have stepped to me with some fantasy of happily-ever-after without any spiritual, emotional work done on themselves can just keep on moving.

I am excited and calm about the road ahead. What twisted me around last year has no influence this year. This is true grown woman shit.

I am I am. This life is balancing me out and I am in awe.



Monday, January 12, 2015

Back At It: Health Priority One

Eat Clean. Move the body. Eat Clean. Move the body.

Get proper rest. Get proper rest. Get proper rest.

Make time for quiet. Make time for quiet. Make time for quiet.

Read. Read. Read. Read. I have committed to 52 books for 2015. Ambitious. Yes.

Write. Blog. Memoir. Write. Blog Memoir.

Invite love. Invite love. Invite love. Invite love.

This is what is driving me for 2015 for my health. Both physical and mental.

Being and getting fit is the priority. That's it.


Thursday, January 8, 2015

Hey Universe I'm Ready To Share

Underneath it all is that longing... that want. Everywhere I turn people are falling in love and getting engaged, committing to each other. I want some of that. No, I want a LOT of that. Oh I live a very full life... commitments to community, work, sorority, church, children, friends old and new. And yet there is still room for that one person. Lover/husband/Confidant/Friend/Partner.  There is room. Maybe there isn't and the Universe is waiting for a break in the busyness? Or maybe I haven't done enough to be found? Honestly I don't have the energy to parade and prance. I do well to glam up on the day-to-day hustle and get out the door looking pulled together.

I'm calling the one who has worked through his shit... isn't so fucking needy...and can command his own life. This seems an impossible endeavor. All I keep hooking are men who take more than they give... and they have nothing to give! Real talk. Yes, I own some of that, because I was willing to accept the nothing. 

This isn't a whine or a rant. I was standing in my master bedroom... that I just rearranged and I realized I could do with some company... a significant other. Not like the mess I just untangled from... hello... NO! What I am trying to say is that I am willing to own what I want in a partner/lover/husband. I settled, because I didn't believe what I needed and wanted existed.  But as I look around I see glimpses of interesting men who are slightly out of reach for one reason or another. And that gives me hope. I think I am getting closer to my gift. Yes gift. Someone sharing their life with you is a gift. I am a gift too. I am ready to share.

Hey Universe I am ready to share! And by ready I mean I am whole, and open and willing and inviting and unafraid.

Heaven please send to all mankind,
Understanding and peace of mind,
But, if it's not asking too much
Please send me someone to love


Monday, January 5, 2015

I Am Retiring "Strong" and "Independent" Black Woman

I want to be seen and received as happy, sexy and sensual, spiritual, joyful, fun, family oriented, intelligent. I am retiring Strong Black Woman and Independent. It is time to be explored for other adjectives that make-up who I am.  I read this piece by Kara Steven, The Frugal Feminista 7 Adjectives to Accurately Describe Black Women other than "Strong and Independent"  it got me thinking about this in a very real way... it stayed in my mind... is this true for me? Yes it has been.

I used to take great pride in being "STRONG" and "INDEPENDENT", but lately I am finding that I don't want this to be the sole truth. I want to be experienced for all the other things that I am. I want to be seen and experienced as sexy and sensual. I am. I love sex, and I love sensual things... soft textures, erotica, whispers in the night, quickies during the day. I am more sexual now that I have ever been in my life. I want to be desired for my sexual appeal.

I am happy. I do not sulk around in gloomy moods. I used to before I learned my own heart and mind. When I was younger, I was never really happy.  And never took responsibility for my happiness. But now after much growth and inner work, I am quite happy and it shows. I am responsible for my happiness. Nothing outside of myself can make or break my happiness. I do that and I have learned and grown into minding and tending to my happiness,

I am deeply spiritual, I feel as though I am becoming a High Priestess. I want to be experienced with respect and reverence for connecting with the vibration of God and earth.

Experience my Joy! I am a woman who is joyous and loves to laugh. I admire wit and intellect. I love gazing at the moon, sitting at the beach, eating fresh fruit and drinking fine wine.

I know how to have fun. I enjoy time with my family. We do a great many things together...we eat dinner together every night. We laugh, we joke and hang out together.

Not only am I smart but I possess a modicum of intelligence. I can think. I can embrace broad ideas and I love fantastic conversations. Talk to me about anything and everything!

This is not a back handed dating profile. Moving forward I want to lead with these qualities. I believe if I say this out loud...via this blog and in my life that the man for me will appreciate these qualities. He will have been looking for just these qualities in a mature woman. I want to be seen and experienced as more than just strong and independent. Today I am owning these 7 adjectives for myself and will confidently use them in all descriptions of myself. What I want I have to become.

I am already enough.




Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015 RUN. WRITE.

RUN. WRITE

So far I am doing two Challenges:

1) 2015 100DaysOfMiles
Join the #100DaysOfMiles Challenge! We'll be running at least ONE mile for 100 days in 2015, starting January 1st. This is not a running streak ... You have to run 100 days until the end of 2015. 

4 SIMPLE RULES FOR THIS CHALLENGE:

#1 NEVER GO 3 DAYS WITHOUT RUNNING
#2 RUN AT LEAST 3 DAYS A WEEK
#3 NEVER MISS A MONDAY
#4 NEVER GIVE UP!

The official 2015 I ♥ to run Visual Calendar is now available on our website! See how many days you've run, visually every day!

HAPPY RUNNING! 
www.ilovetorun.org Team


2) 32 Day Writing Challenge
Ann Patchett's essay in the Washington Post inspired us to write every day for the first 32 days of the year. Join us. - Jamey Hatley & Carleen Brice.
Resolved: Writing is a job

I hope to add more challenges as things come to my attention. Happy New Year!





Wednesday, December 31, 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015!

I'm ready! I am blowing the doors off 2015! Every dream! Every wish! Every long held fantasy will see the light of day! I'm marching into 2015 LIKE A BOSS!


Monday, December 29, 2014

Desire Over Reistance: This Writing Life or How I am Moving Into 2015

My Fairy Godmother/WritingCoach/Famous Author/Mentor in our conversation a few days ago, said, "your desire for what you want has to be greater than your resistance for going to get it" This stuck with me. Like a seed planted it just started to grow inside me. Now this is not news or a newsflash. I know this. And yet I just brushed by it. l was always chopping it up to folks just don't understand what I got on my plate What I am going through. And so I would remain stuck with my dreams deferred. I see it all through out my life. The success I've had were because I desired it more than the resistance in going after it. Like Graduate school or great jobs, or other projects.

But somehow I haven't made that leap with other things I desire.... I can see where the resistance has a greater hold. I truly did not want to put in the effort to accomplish my dreams. I wasn't committed to the effort needed for the long haul. That's the truth telling. I wanted results/success/accomplishment with minimum effort. I allowed excuses to be the driver of all things. Even when I felt like shit doing it, I still allowed the excuses to drive me. I KNOW BETTER. But the desires weren't greater than the resistance. I like the fairy tale but was not ready to shift into the reality of the work. Happiness, love, joy, peace, success, purpose, all require a real willingness to go the distance. I have to put myself in the place of allowing these things.... my desires to manifest. I gotta do the work.I am no stranger to work... I am no stranger to determination. I know what hard work can produce. I've experienced it all through out my life.

It also means quit letting people, places and things derail you. My Fairy Godmother/Writing-Coach/Famous Author/Mentor also  said to be mindful of who you share you dreams with... there are folks who are dream killers and dream deferrers. People who are small...think small... live small, dream small and cannot support your big dreams! They will never be able to see what you see. They will only hold you to their smallness. Small people live in excuses in their own lives... holding onto mess and staying trapped in foolishness. They ask why you want to do that? Rather than say how can I help? This last ridiculous mess of a relationship I was in was just this...a dream deferrer. People who have nothing cannot offer you anything other than more nothingness. Especially if everything out of their mouths is criticism, and dream killing. It's like Dorothy getting caught up in the fields of poppies, except there was no pleasure. I have been here before. Different cast...same distractions.

I do not wish to lament the sameness... the going back for more where there is only less. For 2015 my goal will be to layout my desires. To be about the desires of my being.  I am a writer... I desire to write. So write I will. I will deal with the resistance with a structure and a plan. Yes a plan of action.