I have come to understand that when you slay one dragon, eventually another will show up. The devil doesn't just take a loss and move on. The Devil will bring the weapons necessary to win. The Devil isn't some unknown being. The Devil lives within, always looking for opportunities to take over. In my experience he doesn't show up in moments of weakness. The Devil shows up after a win, smooth sailing, shit going your way. If the devil can knock you down from being on top of the world, you will do the rest of the work to destroy yourself without the devils help. We become our own assassins if we surrender.
The devil whispers, and seduces and slips into your unconscious mind... you can't do anything, you're not good enough, you are weak, you are dumb, you lack in things that everyone else has--beauty, intelligence, grace.
I have slayed many a dragon. I have become very good at fighting back. I hoped to not have to fight anymore. I held fast to a romantic fantasy that has nothing to do with the truth. My truth is, I have demons. They lay dormant waiting and hoping I lay down my sword. I fooled myself into thinking that I could walk the world without my tools to protect me. I thought if I just believed in love that I would be free and safe. Being in love and walking in love and living for love is just one part. There are other parts of love... to work for and fight for.
Love is work. Love is worth fighting for. Love is not docile or tame or meek and helpless. Love is precious enough that I must stand brave for it. What would I do for love? Would I do anything? Love attracts all the best, all the light, all the joy. But it also comes with the worst, the darkness, the fear. Love is a choice.
To slay the dragons and beat the devil, I have to choose. Everyday I have to choose as if yesterday's choice did not exist.